Man of the Cemetery: Bob is an Asshole

Tuesday April 8, 2014

Bob got stuck in another hole out in the grounds this morning. As if the first hole debacle wasn’t enough, this time it took three of us to hoist his sizable ass out of there. All I wanted was a quiet morning with my friend coffee, his friend donut, and some paper work. Instead I was up to my ass in mud, trying to lift Bob out of the the stray dog’s human traps. Maybe next we’ll just leave him out there and he will do something useful for once, like become leader of the stray dog’s and convince theme to dig all further graves so I don’t have to pay for a digger anymore.

Despite Bobs inability to not fall in large holes that everyone else and their blind mothers could see, he always brings bitter coffee for everyone, which is nice I suppose. I mean, I can’t stand bitter coffee, yet I drink it every single day. That’s the weird thing about working with someone for 20 years. You can’t stand them half the time, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings by not accepting their coffee and well intentioned scone.

Sometimes co-workers can be pointless, despicable people. They could give two shits if you have a family emergency or need time off because you’re sick. When they need to be covered on short notice they act like everyone should just do it, no questions asked. But, if you need to be covered they are suddenly too busy. Sometimes people can’t pull their head out of their ass long enough to notice that there are other human beings in the world. And then there’s Bob, who gets up a little earlier than everyone else to go and get bad coffee just to make sure everyone has a nice warm cup before heading out to the grounds. He always brings the guys birthday scones and cards, plans the office parties, and helps out with lunches if one of the guys are short. He always thinks about others before himself.

Well intentioned, kind people make the world a better place. They are the ones that keep the world turning, while making sure others are taken care of. They get step on and walked over, but they keep getting up and buying coffee no matter what.

So, Bob may be an asshole, but he’s the best ass hole in the world.



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