Man of the Cemetery: Slash the Budget

Wednesday April 2, 2014

Well it looks like it’s that time of year again. It’s time for the powers at be to tell me to cut my minuscule budget even more. It looks like this year I’ll need to buy a bike to get around so I won’t spend any money on gas. Oh wait, were would I get the money to buy the bike? Welcome to city government.

To Do:

-Buy off brand pencils

-Buy new walking shoes

-Tell Bob to buy off brand coffee because Folger’s is too much of a luxury. 

Just got done meeting with Boss Man, he confirmed my suspicion that Folger’s was too uppity for the office. In other news, they want me to cut another $4,000 of fluff from my budget. I might as well just give them the fluff from my old belly button because that’s all the fluff that exists in this office. Well, that is if you don’t count the fluff between Bob’s ears.

The funny thing about money is that we always want it and we always need it. Even in death, we think we need money. For most of history, mankind has just buried the dead in the ground. Then slowly, but surely, a person’s wealth and status crept in. The truth is, we’re all the same in death. Money and fame doesn’t matter, so why do I need money to run this Cemetery Department? Because it’s not the dead that need the pomp and circumstance, it’s the living. We need to give our loved one’s comfort in their final resting place, even though they never know the difference. Their comfort in death, gives us the comfort we need to try and move on with our lives without them.

Maybe I’ll just fire Bob instead. He’s worth at least $5000 and a donut.



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